Father’s Day is imminent. Naturally, you’ve already bought the old man’s present – be it Best Dad Ever baseball cap or a t-shirt that reads “It’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure.” You’ve booked the steakhouse lunch and you’ve made sure that there’s a good supply of his favourite post-prandial whiskey in the drinks cabinet at home. What’s next?
Dad jokes, of course. And the more groan-worthy the better.
[See more: These are the best things to do with kids in Macao]
So, by popular demand, the Macao News team is back with a brand-new collection of our absolute favourites. Consider this the second annual installment of what we hope will be a cherished (or perhaps “endured”) tradition.
To all the fathers, stepfathers, trans fathers, godfathers, grandfathers, and father figures who fill our lives with support, guidance, and of course, endless bad jokes: this one’s for you.
Here’s our 2025 list of dad jokes
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because of all its problems.
I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
“Anna one, Anna two!”
I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took them two hours to pass the salt.
‘Dad, did you get a haircut?’
“No, I got them all cut!”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said: “Did you get my drift?”
Why did the lamp break up with the light bulb?
Because it found their relationship too illuminating and needed some space.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Thank you so much for explaining the word “many” to me – it means a lot.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
I said “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home.” He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual,” he replied.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why do hipsters only use the microwave?
They don’t like conventional ovens.
Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The reception was brilliant.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships just don’t work out.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
A font walks into a bar. The barman says: “Hey, get out! We don’t want your type in here.”
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle.
I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
Some Chinese jokes: 中文冷笑話
什麼水果是最忙的？(Which fruit is the busiest?)
芒果 (Mango)
Explanation: In Chinese, the first character in the word mango (芒果, máng guǒ – literally ‘mang fruit’) is a homophone of the character for busy (忙, máng). The joke plays on the pronunciation of these two characters, which allows for the Chinese word for mango to be interpreted as “busy fruit.”
為什麼雪人非常幽默？(Why are snowmen so humorous?)
因為它們都愛冷笑話！(It’s because they love telling corny jokes)
Explanation: In Chinese, the characters that make up the word for corny jokes (冷笑話) literally translates into “cold jokes.” The punchline is meant to be funny, as it brings up a forced association between snowmen, which are built during the cold weather, and corny (cold) jokes.
咩毛最普通？(Which type of hair is the most normal?)
Normal
Explanation: The punchline exploits the fact that the last syllable of the English word “normal” sounds like the Cantonese word for hair (毛, mou).
花店賣花，電器店賣電器，甘教堂賣咩？(Flower shops sell flowers, electronic shops sell electronics, so what do churches sell?)
My god
Explanation: In Cantonese (and Mandarin for that matter), the word for ‘buy’ (賣, maai) sounds like the English word “my.” The punchline’s humour stems from the fact that to bilingual English-Chinese speakers, the phrase can be interpreted in a polysemous manner as either a straightforward English exclamation invoking the name of god or as a Cantonese answer (sell god) to the question.
Portuguese dad jokes (piadas secas)
Tenho uma caneta que escreve debaixo de água. Também escreve outras palavras.
Translation: I have a pen that writes underwater. It also writes other words.
Candidate at a job interview: How much is the salary?
HR manager: 600 euros for now, but it can go up to 1000 euros later on
Candidate: I’ll come back later on then, thank you
What’s your English level?
Advanced
Translate “cola” (the Portuguese word for “glue”)
Glue
Translate “dez” (the Portuguese word for “ten’”)
Ten
Now use both words in a sentence
I’m glue ten intolerant.
